a moment for reflection

I sit in my studio space in Makawao, Hawaii and listen to the sounds of bird chirping through my open windows.

I am dressed in a sheer white button down, coconut oil soft skin tanned underneath. My long thick hair is past my shoulders and wavy from the braids I wore at work today. Sea salt highlights stain the dark auburn creating a cascade of blondes, browns and reds rippling through my tangled tresses. My eyes glow soft under dark brows and lashes. My nose is freckled and slightly sunburnt.

I am healthy.

The golden light of the sinking Hawaiian sun filters gently though my white and lavender gossamer curtains illuminating the sea foam walls. Shadows of leaves dance playfully against the afternoon glow. The breeze filtering through my windows smells sweet and refreshing; clean in a way only the trade winds allow. A rooster crows in the distance. 

I feel grateful for this moment of serenity and silence.

It has been about five months since I moved to Maui and started working as a horse handler on an equine assisted healing ranch. In that time, I have gained leaps and bounds of knowledge that set me up for emotional success.

Alone at my desk I write out bid to future Sophie.

I glance off my computer screen to the latest vision board perched on the wooden window sill above my desk.

Cut out words Passionate Desire by the Sea strike boldly in the middle and the words Live Free and Sailing pop out next. Muse, Art & Soul. Vintage cowgirls and bare ass in the sand. Santorini Dreams.

Finally, my eyes land on the word Create.  

How have I grown since arriving?

Calm has washed over me in a way I have never experienced. For the first time, even since my first solo apartment in West Hollywood, I feel relaxed. I come home to silence, save for the chatter and warble of the birds and the quiet swishing of the horses in the pasture next door. I come home to a home, decorated and curated by yours truly, all my collected trinkets over the years tactfully filling the shelves and covering the dresser in an organized bohemian collage of the various versions of me.

I look out my window at the shades of green shifting quietly in the wind. I am surrounded by trees, trees, and more trees. And if not trees, then wide open pastures. So different from my West Hollywood studio nestled in between Santa Monica Boulevard and the Melrose Arts District; the LA streets dirty and chock full of strangers with prying, lustful eyes. 

I feel tired tug at under my eyes and reflect on my day in the kanaio sun.

I pulled two cards for myself. Discipline and boldness. 

Boldness is a word I’ve never stopped to consider, but one I direly need as I gaze at the life I aim to build. 

A yawning chasm of unknown opens in my mind every time I consider next steps and threatens to eat me alive.

I blink up from my screen to my vision board.

The words La Dolce Vita catch my eye and then my attention drifts to the clouds outside my window. The tops of the fluffy cotton balls color purple with tangerine highlights underneath as if an angel is smiling up at them. 

I breathe.

Here and now, in this moment, I am alone on the property minus the ants, cane spiders, and occasional roach to keep me company; thank you Hawaii. 

I listen to the intimate silence that wraps around me, comforting me. The sound of my keystrokes breaking through the silence to remind me I am conscious; I am real. 

So here I am. 25, living on Maui.

The newfound stability washes over me like a dream.

I savor this moment.

Hawaii — Maui — is a gift from God. Plain and simple. He rebuilt this life for me. He rebuilt me. And I am a better person because of it.